Tuesday, October 2, 2012

How To End A Date In Four Words

A simple guide for all you lovers out there, to help you put a ring* on it.

(*wherein a "ring" is what we're calling a cloud of human-shaped dust left behind by an especially speedy exeunt)

"Check me for ticks?"
"Kids are just sexier."
"...James Van Der Beek."
"...my favorite film, Armageddon..."
"Women can vote? Why!?"

"The Holocaust seemed fun..."
"Shouldn't we both menstruate?"

"You're chunkier in person."
"Ya think Asians dream?"
"My pee's THICK today!"
"My jacket? Beagle pelt."
"...saltier than my boogers!"
"...stored in my foreskin."

"I find wiping unnecessary."
"Seen my Screech tattoo?"
"My first? Coma patient."

"Whew, meat-filled fart!"
"Mind holding my merkin?"

"Cannibalism's a narrow interpretation..."
"I pooped in her."

"...my grandmother's wet dildo."

"Your nostril looks... tasty."

"Infanticide, under certain circumstances..."
"Is your daughter single?"
"Hitchhiker dies, every time."
"There's precome in this."
"...ate those raisins twice."

"Preschool's a meat market."
"My underwear's all slick."
"Goats make gentle lovers."
"My whole hand fit!"
"My poop's mostly granola."
"That urinal tasted off."



  1. ...Hey! Armageddon is my totally guilty pleasure! It has heart! It has compelling characters! It has terrible Aerosmith ballads! WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?! Hey, that's four letters. :D

    1. Whoops, you know I meant "words" there, girrrrl. *z-snap*